Confessions of a Conspiracy Theorist

Confessions of a Conspiracy Theorist

*Cue X-Files theme*

Listen closely… there is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge.


Think About It...

… The JFK assassination… The Moon Landing… Flight 800… 9/11… Vaccines… The Illuminati… and of course, the ultimate hidden truth…


Believe it or not, that's me on the left.


Wake Up Sheeple!

I used to sit with my Dad and lecture him about what the media wants us to see. We don’t run our government - there is a silent minority, an unspoken elite, a secret society. They are the puppeteers behind the marionettes that we commonly refer to as national leaders. My dad’s response was always the same - he would chuckle under his breath, pick up his guitar and say “Yeaaa, I don’t think so. They’re just people.” Then he would start to play.

I used to scoff at his retorts…



Yep, you guessed it. Dad was right. Pretty sure everybody that works for the government is a normal human being just like the rest of us. During my time in D.C., I’ve met State Representatives and Senators, I’ve spoken with folks on Fox and CNN, and much to my dismay, there doesn’t seem to be anything secret going on behind the scenes. The people that I speak with care passionately about what they do, and consistently try to do the best job they can on behalf of us, the people they serve.

Distance inevitably harbors a fear of the unknown. And that fear provokes curiosity and provides an excuse for our imaginations to run rampant with hypotheticals. I would be lying if I said there’s nothing enticing about the question: What are they hiding from us? But the implications behind that question change once you realize that they and us are one in the same.

Malia Obama went to Lollapalooza. My friend made-out with a Senator’s daughter at the bar a few weeks ago (nbd). Joe Biden probably does Jager bombs and gets lost in the White House, and Obama smoked Newports. These are normal, relatable people who live their lives one day at a time, just like the rest of us. There’s nothing secret about how the people that comprise the U.S. government operate. Think about how you go about your day, think about your job, your friends, your family, your vices, your well-being, etc. We’re all different, sure, but we’re all the same. We’re only human.

Speaking of only human - the government may not be rigged, but I’ll be damned if aliens don’t exist. Go ahead, tell me there’s no such thing as aliens, and I’ll tell you there’s no such thing as intelligent life on Earth. They’re here, they’re real, and they’re spectacular. Now show me the aliens.

(Lines 3 and 4 were paraphrased from a Rod Serling quote.)


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